


Hold Me Close, and Let It Be

by delaneym_15



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: He's struggling, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance if you squint, Mentions of Death, and he was so accepting of it in s7 and s8, bc lets be honest tomorrow was never promised, but he'll be okay, but no real dying, he's just being realistic in war, here's how he got there though, honestly he just needs a hug, langst in its highest form, let the boy go home, like not okay my boy was 18 at the most and already accepting death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26220808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delaneym_15/pseuds/delaneym_15
Summary: “I used to look up at the stars, and dream about flying through them. I wanted to be the best pilot out there, traveling farther than anyone ever had. Even when we were brought into this war, I couldn’t help but dream of doing great things. It's all I've ever wanted to do... fly.”It's been years since 4 teenagers and a missing pilot were shot off into space on a giant blue mechanical lion. They've fought battles, lost friends, gained family. But war takes so much, and one particular Blue Paladin is having a hard time trying to cope.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 51





	Hold Me Close, and Let It Be

Today was definitely not a good day. Lance woke up to the blaring alarm of his phone, a piercing screech that on any other day would have earned no more than a disgruntled groan before a quick press of a button. Today however, it received a string of curses as the Blue paladin rolled over and away from the device, stuffing his head under the pillow to muffle to sound to no avail. 

With another few choice words, he reluctantly withdrew himself. Sitting up with little grace and all the annoyance he could probably use to fuel the ship for decapheobes. Lance was pissed. 

After spending all day the day before training and failing and training more, chores upon chores in the infirmary, his own solo missions, and meetings with the team he was once again forced to find each and every paladin and put them to bed at a reasonable hour. God forbid they be able to pull themselves away from whatever they were doing to do so themselves.   
Okay, forced wasn’t the right word. No one was holding him at gun point, threatening his family. But his team was hurting. They weren’t taking care of themselves. And he would be damned if he let his second family spiral when he could so easily stop it. 

So he spent each night hunting down each paladin, getting them to eat, drink, rest. Usually taking hours before he was finally able to do the same for himself. Of course that meant that while the rest of his team got to bed at a reasonable hour, he was far from it. 

He stumbled lazily to his ensuite bathroom, quick to wash his face and brush his teeth before returning to his room to dress in his paladin armor. 

Allura had announced the night before that they would be attending a diplomatic celebration on a planet Lance had no hope of ever being able to pronounce. On any other day, Lance would have jumped at the idea of such a mission. Celebrations meant parties, and if anyone liked to party, it was Lance. But over this past pheobe or so, he’s lost any and all emotional   
capacity to do more than train.

Coran had told him to come to him when this feeling started. Knowing what the missions were asking of Lance, and how heavy they would weigh on the Paladin’s mind. As grateful as Lance was for the Altean’s words, he couldn’t shake the thought that it would just be better if he didn’t. The less people traumatized was better, and these missions were confidential for a reason. 

So, there he was, drained, exhausted, and irritable. Dreading the day before it had begun as he entered the bridge. 

To his surprise, he wasn’t the last one. In fact, he was the first of the paladins to reach the bridge. Though he probably shouldn’t have been as surprised, he had been getting pretty good with his time management if he did say so himself. The room was only occupied by Coran and Allura. They quickly shared good mornings, Allura in her excitement already briefing Lance on the celebration. A day-long party followed by a dinner with all of the planet’s officials. Easy enough. Lance just had to act like he wanted to be there, and not like he wanted to crawl inside a hole and hibernate for the next decade. 

The room was quickly filled with the noise of the other paladins, bright and lively as they entered. They didn’t seem to notice Lance as they bickered, Shiro stepping in a few times to keep it out of hand. 

“Where is Lance, is he late again?” Pidge joked, earning a scoff from Keith before both of their eyes landed on the Blue Paladin already standing at the console with the Alteans, their conversation seemingly interrupted by the outburst.   
After the briefing, it was little over a varga before the castle landed on the planet and the Paladins were greeted by its inhabitants. Music and excited shouts filled the air as the group marched from the castle to the large civic center that was to house the celebration. 

To Lance’s joy, Hunk stood with him the whole time. His friend finding exciting food for both of them to try as they mingled with some of the natives. As exhausted as Lance felt, his smile never faltered, and in all honesty it could have been much worse. He just wished that whatever alien was practically hanging off of his arm could let off a bit. 

It was smooth going throughout the party, all the way up until the dinner. Nothing could have ever prepared him for this dinner. 

Well, could anyone really prepare to be seated across from the most beautiful alien he had ever seen. Her skin a dusty pink that seemed to aglow in the candle light, her long flowing hair dark as night and hung in long curls where it wasn’t plaited in the most intricate braids. But her eyes, her diamond like eyes could have put the most precious stone to shame. The way he could see almost every colour in them shook him to his core. 

She was beautiful, strikingly so. 

He almost hadn’t realized he had been staring until he felt the elbow of his best friend hit his ribcage. But he couldn’t bring himself to look away. 

The girl sitting in front of him looked up with such sad eyes, it made him want to cry just looking at her. 

“You carry much pain with you, Blue Paladin.” her voice was soft, but the sentiment in it struck an arrow in his chest. It seemed her words had silenced the entire table as eyes turned towards the two. 

“Though you crave to return home the most, you know that you will not. Not in your lifetime...and yet you remain.” she took a shuddering breath, reminding Lance that he hadn’t breathed since she sat in front of him. “I will not ask you why. For your silence is all the answer I need, but I must ask. You are scared are you not?” 

“That’s enough Nalena.” 

But all she did was hold a singular slim finger to her father, an action that silenced him yet again. 

“Yet you brave the fight, the war that you are convinced you will not survive.” She moved her hand to cover his, offering him the slightest squeeze of comfort. 

“You fight because though you may not return, you will do all you can to make sure that they,” she dropped his gaze finally to pass her eyes upon his team before those kind diamond eyes returned to his once more, “they may. You lay awake at night, haunted by the prophecies of your demise, yet you continue. You rise every day, answer every call, knowing that it could be your last.” 

He could feel the pain in her voice be mirrored in his heart, and knew the tear that fell from his eye matched that on her cheek. 

“Alejandro, you have committed many sins in your effort to protect your team. Though they will never truly know what you have done, what plagues your mind every waking moment, know that they could not have a more devoted nor more loving paladin. Your heart will never be hardened, your efforts never in vain. You carry the curse of the Blue Paladin, and take it in stride. Your loyalty knows no bounds. Know this Alejandro Serrano-McClain, if they do not let you into your heaven it is not your fault. The road to hell may be paved with good intentions, but it is their loss for not honoring the hero you have become.” 

+

Blue eyes stared, unlooking into the vast expanse of the stars hidden behind the glass. His mind still reeling relentlessly vargas after his encounter with the princess Nalena. Her words played in a continuous loop in his mind. Keeping him awake. 

So here he stood, arms crossed, dressed in only a pair or dark sweatpants and his lion slippers shielding his feet from the ice of the cold castle floor. He was so wrapped up in his own mind, he hadn’t heard the doors whoosh open, nor the light footsteps that followed to where he stood. 

“Lance?” 

Startled he turned around, eyes wide when they settled on the violet ones belonging to the red paladin. 

“Keith...what are- are you okay?” 

They both stood in silence, Keith dressed in his pajamas seemed colder than Lance did, shuddering a little in the dark of the observation deck. 

“Shouldn't I be asking you that?” 

Lance shifted on his feet, not really sure where this was going, but dreading it nonetheless. “What do you mean? I’m fine.” 

“Are you? I mean, after what happened today, I wouldn’t be. And I-” Lance watched as Keith fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt, his eyes refusing to meet the blue paladin’s in front of him. “I don’t know. What she said. It seems like you haven’t been okay for a while.” 

Lance wasn’t sure why he was so surprised, after all the whole team had been there to witness the incident. They weren’t blind. Of course they’d be concerned. He’d be worried out of his mind if the same thing happened to Pidge, or Shiro, even Allura. But he had to admit it was a little weird having Keith, his self proclaimed rival- not rival, genuinely worry about him. 

His first instinct was to deflect. Hell, this wasn’t something that a few kind words could fix, and the last person he’d want comfort from would be the boy that only bickered with him. But that wasn’t right. Keith was standing in front of him because he wanted to help, because at the end of the day they were a team, friends. And he genuinely did care. 

Lance sighed before holding out his hand, gesturing for the other boy to come and join him in front of the glass, only turning back to the stars when Keith finally stood next to him. 

“You’re right.” he said, breaking the long drawn out silence, his eyes never leaving the stars he had grown so accustomed to. The stars that he knew he would live and die fighting in. “I don’t think I’ve been okay for a long time.” 

He could feel the smaller boy’s eyes on him, studying him and if the conversation hadn’t weighted so heavily on him, he probably would have blushed. 

“I used to look up at the stars, and dream about flying through them. I wanted to be the best pilot out there, traveling farther than anyone ever had. Even when we were brought into this war, I couldn’t help but dream of doing great things. It's all I've ever wanted to do... fly.” 

“All I ever wanted to do was fly.” He repeated softly, as he looked down at his feet, shaking his head at his own ignorance. No, not ignorance, naivety. All those years ago he was a naive 17 year old who would have given an arm and a leg to travel the stars. 

“Now I’m here, fighting a war my family has no idea even exists. And all I want to do is go home. I want to hug my mom, argue with my siblings, play with my niece and nephew.” 

“You will, Lance. We’ll go back to Earth, and you can do all that, and more-” 

“Will I?” he interrupted. There was no harshness, no anger. Just a reserved sadness that Keith would have done anything to never hear from his friend’s lips again. This wasn’t Lance, Lance was supposed to be loud and happy and...not hurting like this. Lance deserved to be happy. 

“It doesn’t scare me any more, the thought of not going home. At first I used to be terrified, of getting hurt, dying, leaving my family to wonder what happened to me. As bad as it sounds... I don’t feel that way anymore.” 

“Lance…” 

“I used to spend hours imagining how I would die, getting gunned down by a Galra soldier, or saving one of you, or… I spent so much time imagining it, that I couldn’t even imagine going home if I wanted to.” 

Keith had turned completely now, facing the taller boy, tears in his eyes as his friend struggled to talk. How could he have not known about this? How could any of them not have known? They were supposed to be a team, and when one of your team is hurting, you help. They didn’t seem like a team at that moment, neglecting their Blue Paladin. The one person who was holding this team together was completely falling apart and none of them could see it. 

It made him want to wrap Lance up in the biggest hug he had ever known, and Keith was far from a hugger. But seeing the boy stand before him, speak about how accepting he was of fucking dying? That was not okay. None of this was okay. They had grown up fighting a war, and if there was any indication that it had taken its toll on the teens, Lance was it. 

“She was right.” Lance said finally. Breaking Keith out of his stupor. 

“Right about what?” 

“I’ve done horrible things for this goddamn war. I’ve killed people Keith, not droids, or senteries. Living, breathing Galra. Not just Galra, but anyone who would cross the coalition. I-” his voice cracked as he placed his head in his hands, stifling a sob that threatened to escape him. “I don’t want to be remembered for that. I never wanted to be a hero, but here I am pretending to be one, knowing all the things I’ve done.” 

Any self control that Keith had once had evaded him in that moment, as he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Lance. Pulling him close, as if he was afraid to lose him if he didn’t. 

The action only made Lance cry harder, no longer hiding it as he clung to the Red Paladin. Keith guided them to the floor, and there they remained until Lance had cried himself out, Keith releasing a few tears himself. 

It was some time before either of them spoke again. Neither one really wanting to break from the safety of the silence, but knowing that more had to be said.   
In the end, Keith waited until Lance pulled away before speaking. 

“Lance, war brings out the worst in all of us. We’ve all done things that we’re not proud of, but we can’t let it define us. What we do is to help the universe. Voltron exists to help the universe.” 

Lance scoffed at that, the disbelief held in his voice only pushing Keith more. 

“I’m so sorry that you’ve been forced to do those things. But I’ve also seen you do some amazing things as well. I’ve seen you carry children out of a collapsing building, I’ve seen you push Pidge out of the way of a shot, I’ve seen you talk Shiro down from his nightmare induced panic attacks. Hell, you literally drag me out of the training deck every night to make sure I actually sleep. Lance, you care for this family.” 

Before Lance could get a word in, Keith cupped his cheeks in both hands, angling him so that their eyes met. 

“I know me listing all of the good things will never outweigh the heaviness of the guilt you carry. All I ask is that you acknowledge that you are more than that, because you are. You are Lance McClain, the Blue Paladin of Voltron. A hero, a fighter, a friend. The scar on your back is a testament to how true that is.” 

He let the words sink in, let Lance just have time to feel them. Because he meant every word. 

And he’d be damned if he let Lance go on believing that he wasn’t worthy of being here. He defined what it meant to be a paladin, and though he may not be their leader, he still managed to instill it in each and every one of them. 

“Lance, I-” 

“Thank you. I think I’m gonna go to bed.” Lance pulled back before moving to stand up, popping the cricks out of his shoulders. 

“...Just think about what I said, please.” 

Lance turned then, a small smirk replacing the broken expression that plagued him just the minute before. 

“Yeah, I will. Thank you, Keith, really.”


End file.
